You see, the world has been organized in tribes almost ever since its very beginning. There have been all kinds of diversity among people and nations.
Back in times, people led wars over lands and territories to prove their strength and power. They didn’t know what else to do, but to fight and conquer those who were in opposition to them. Those who had different ways of living and being, those who thought differently and did differently, those who were not from their tribe, but loyal to their own social group.
As a little kid, I was very free-willed. I played until late evening because I had nothing else to do for which I had to torment my so-called back then friends. I was constantly seeking them at home when they had to have lunch with their families, making them hate me even more for interrupting their quiet family’s time. I didn’t care, I wanted to play.
This was my tribe at the time and because it was my tribe, I wanted to be around them. At some point, it started getting more and more awkward when all of them began hiding from me because I was just too annoying. And weird.
They did all sort of things to make me go away such as harassing me all the time, fighting with me, calling me names, but to no avail. I didn’t like it, but I was tough. And I wanted to play. Plus, I had nowhere else to go. I thought that if they ditched me, my life would be in danger.
In your childhood years, who would think that you will come off as annoying or weird? Not me, apparently. I only wanted to feel a sense of belonging. I wanted to be accepted for who I was. But being constantly neglected made me think that I wasn’t really fitting there. The feeling of inadequacy kept growing until it got so big that, at some point, I couldn’t help but started questioning my own self and behavior. After some time, I didn’t want to play with them anymore, so I ditched them.
As a little kid, you don’t have much of a choice. You just play and smile and walk around uncaring about what others think of you. And sadly, you may get punished for it. But as you grow up, on the other hand, the ability to make conscious choices about your life, your behavior, and your thoughts improve as you become more reasonable.
Consequently, you know, all these choices you are making… they determine the way your life will unfold. And because I’ve been there and I totally understand, I would like to share with you these insightful golden little nuggets I’ve learned through the years myself and are now helping me gradually attract like-minded people and good circumstances into my life.
I believe that if applied in the right way, they may help you, too, to discover who you are and put you in a place where you no longer need to pursue life and others, but gradually attract the right people and circumstances to you through the authentic vibes you spread around.
So let’s begin.
1. Stop compromising who you are.
Remember that the only way to get everyone to like you is to keep compromising who you are, to be fake. Fuck that. The world is full of fake fronts already. No one is authentic anymore because we care so much about what other fake-fronts think of us.
Here is the thing, to have a firm ground to stand on, means to not let who you are, your self-concept and sense of self-worth, be dependent on what others think of you and thus become trapped by the opinions of others. You’ve been given the same tools of reason as everyone else. It is in your control to use them to stand up for yourself and put your own beliefs forward.
Speak up and say what you think. Say that you won’t let being taken advantage of no matter how manipulative someone is with you. Admit that you feel fear and prefer to stay in your comfort zone than try new things, but are willing to change that. Share your thoughts about a subject that thrill you or something you have experience with and want others to know.
Dare to be transparent and put yourself out there more often. It doesn’t matter whether you will get criticized or not. You may lose people that don’t resonate with what you say but will also attract those who do resonate and from there, you can make a change.
Bottom line: People respect those who are in the arena and getting their ass kicked on occasion. Therefore, they will encourage you to become more instead of lowering your standards.
2. Get into the habit of saying “Fuck it!” more often.
Don’t you know the ultimate spiritual truth? How dare you. All Eastern cultures teach that. From now on, you don’t have any excuses but to use it more often.
Use it anywhere you feel like it. Use it when someone doesn’t answer your calls and text messages; when they don’t accept you for that dream job or any job; when you get ignored by others on social media or wherever; when life puts you down; when people’s ego is going crazy against you or are saying nasty things about you; when wondering if someone will like you or not. Use it!
Bottom line: The “Fuck it!” mantra is a sign of realness and inviolability. Use it more often as you run towards your fears.
3. Start telling your craziest ideas to everyone you meet.
When you say something so nuts, you will notice how others can’t help but stare at you in bewilderment. That’s another way of finding who your real friends are. Some people will slowly back away from you as if you are really crazy, but others will latch onto your idea and help you any way they can.
For example, my ultimate goal is to establish myself as a thought leader and create a platform that inspires others to take action in their lives and make a change in the little world around them. This is only on the surface. However, I try not to put everything into a framework and interfere with the process, but let it take its own course.
Bottom line: The right people will make you dream and help you achieve your dreams no matter how silly, crazy, and unconventional they might be.
4. Don’t try to satisfy everybody.
You were meant to always matter to the right people, not sometimes to just anyone.
As one of my favorite philosophers has said it:
There will always be the ego-maniacs, the liars and those who keep secrets, the jealous and cranks, busybodies, ingrates. – Marcus Aurelius
In order to preserve your own self from bad intentions and unwanted influences in your life, you gotta learn how to set yourself apart thereof. Your peace of mind is far more important and in order to keep it sane, you gotta set boundaries between you and others that are not in your target demographics. These boundaries will protect you from feeling tired, immensely stressed out, and therefore lead you to exhaustion.
Bottom line: If you are trying to please everyone, you will never know your true worth and therefore you will never attract other valuable people that resonate with who you truly are.
By having the courage to show who you are, you are no longer blending with the crowd but fall into a different category than most. And by putting these simple ideas into practice, you increase your chance of attracting the right circumstances and people that need you in their life.
Ultimately, I am not advocating for utopia because such thing does not exist in reality. But you can create your own little utopia by focusing on that tiny, little, quite meaningless, but important inner-circle where you are in control, yourself. And through yourself, you will most likely attract the tribe, the life, and the circumstances that are fruitful and beneficial to you and them.
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